Christmas Jokes

Clean Christmas Jokes

Everyone loves Christmas jokes, right? Oh, good. That’s what I thought.

Today is all about Christmas jokes. I think jokes are an awesome way to break the ice. They are also a great way to start a conversation with kids. Seriously, my nieces and nephews think I’m the coolest. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to have the approval of a bunch of 5 – 10 year olds. It’s all thanks to my endless supply of jokes.

Want the kids in your life to think you’re cool? I can totally help you out. I have a huge list of holiday themed jokes that will be a hit for the young and the young at heart. Enjoy!

Holiday Jokes

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Merry Christmas.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective ?
Santa Clues!

What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap.

What is a snowmans favorite breakfast?
Ice Crispies.

What do elves learn in school?
The elfa-bet.

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no-body to go with.

Sister: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?
Brother: A list of everything I want!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A Mince Spy!

Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
They’re into all the wrapping.

What’s Santa’s favorite candy?
Jolly ranchers.

What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

What says ‘Oh Oh Oh’?
Santa walking backwards!

Related: Christmas Classics kids will Love

What does Jack Frost like best about school?
Snow and tell.

What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?
Unwrap.

What do you call a greedy elf?
Elfish.

What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner?
Grave-y.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

What do road crews use at the North Pole?
I don’t know.
Snow cones!

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrot?

Whats the best Christmas Present?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.

Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
Rude-alph!

Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?
Because he went down in history.

Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?
He wanted to see time fly!

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho, ho, ho.

What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
Because they’re shell-fish.

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers!

Related: Holiday Romance Novels mom will Love

What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?
One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!

What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause.

Why is it cold on Christmas?
Because it’s in Decembrrrrrrrrr!

What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!

What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.

What is a skunks favorite Christmas song?
Jingle smells!

What is Santa’s dogs name?
Santa Paws!

What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow.

What never eats at Christmas dinner?
The turkey – it’s stuffed.

Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel.

What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
She gave him the cold shoulder.

What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
A puddle!

Did you know that Rudolph the Reindeer never went to school?
He was elf taught.

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”?
Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”

What’s a good holiday tip?
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

What do snowmen usually wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

What’s red and white and black all over?
Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney.

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

Related: Halloween Jokes your kids will Love

Where do you find chilli beans?
At the north pole!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree!

What is a librarians favorite Christmas song?
Silent Night

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
Holly Davidson.

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it ‘soots’ him!

How do you know Santa is good at karate?
He has a black belt!

The judge asked the defendant what he was charged with.
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” was the reply.
“That not illegal!. How early were you shopping?”
“Before the store was open.”

What do you call an old snowman?
Water.

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet.

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing – it was on the house!

What does Santa say at the start of a race?
Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho!

Where do snowmen keep money?
In a snow bank.

What type of cars do elves drive?
Toy-otas.

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,
“I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”

Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?
Because he is so cool!

What do you call a cat on Christmas Eve?
Sandy Claws.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name!

So there you have it some amazingly cute, funny and corny yet totally child appropriate holiday jokes that will make you a hero in the eyes of all the children in your life.

Let’s Talk

I Hope you have a great holiday season!

But while you’re here, why don’t you share your favorite holiday jokes in the comments section. I have a pretty long list, but it can always be longer.

As always,