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It’s fall, it’s October, Halloween is just around the corner. Aren’t you excited? I know I am. I’ve got a real special treat for you today. Halloween jokes! I hope you have as much fun reading them as I did making the list.
Halloween is such a fun magical time. There’s the dressing up, and of course, the candy. Oh how I love the candy. I remember coming back with bags full of candy when I was a kid. It was so much fun seeing what I got every year. And of course the sugar high.
I know, parents everywhere are rolling their eyes and groaning. But seriously, Halloween was amazing. It was such a fun time.
Now I can’t give everyone candy, email hasn’t quite advanced far enough for that. But, I can give you some funny Halloween themed jokes. Best of all they’re safe for children.
Kid-Friendly Halloween Jokes
Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms? They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
What happened to the guy who didn’t pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A Hoblin’ Goblin.
What’s a monster’s favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
When does a skeleton laugh? When something tickles his funny bone.
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store.
What song do vampires hate? “You Are My Sunshine”
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
Who are cousins of the werewolf? What-wolf and When-wolf.
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
Because he likes to draw blood!
Which ghost lives in Town Hall? The night-mayor.
What do they use to clean the ice during the Halloweenland hockey game?
What animal do witch’s say make the best pets? Black cats – because they’re purr-fect.
How do black cats eat Halloween candy?
With their mouths just like everyone else.
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? Give him screws.
What type of monster really loves dance music?
Where do werewolves store their things? In a were-house.
Which of the witch’s friends was good at baseball?
Why couldn’t Frankenstein go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
What do you call a clever monster?
What can’t you give the headless horseman? A headache.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
What do they teach in witching school? Spelling.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Why does a witch ride a broom? The Vacuum cleaner’s power cord is it too short.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn’t have a haunting license.
Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
What’s a ghosts favorite desert? Boo-berry pie.
What do you call a skeleton who sits around all day?
A lazy bone.
What is the safest place to be during a zombie attack? A living room.
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horror-scope.
Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
Which room do haunted houses never have?
The living room.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
What kind of books did Frankenstein like to read?
Ones with cemetery plots
Do zombies eat french fries with their fingers? Nope, they eat the fingers separately.
What do you call two witches living together?
What do demons do to stay in shape? They exorcise a lot.
What does Frankenstein put on his hot wings?
Franks Red Hot Sauce
What is a mummies’ favorite type of music? Wrap!
Where do spooks water ski?
On Lake Erie.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?
What happened to the witch with the upside-down nose? Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.
What kind of tests do they give black cat’s in school?
What is a monster’s favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Why do black cat’s ride with witches on broomsticks?
Because it’s quicker than walking.
Why did the zombie go nuts? He lost his mind.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
What does a zombie get when he’s late for dinner? The cold shoulder.
How do ghosts like their coffee?
Dark with extra scream.
Why do skeletons hate winter? The cold goes right through them.
How can you tell if a zombie is tired?
He’s just dead on his feet.
What does a skeleton say when it gets angry with someone? I’ve got a bone to pick with you.
What is a ghost favorite article of clothing?
How does a witch tell the time? With her witch-watch.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A Chili Dog.
What do monsters use to get into their castles? Skeleton keys.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog.
What do you call a skeleton who always tells lies?
A boney phony.
What do you call a werewolf that uses bad language? A swearwolf.
Why are so few ghosts arrested?
It’s tough to pin anything on them.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a ghost? A peck-a-boo.
Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up.
What kind of roads do ghosts haunt? Dead Ends.
What is black, white & dead all over?
A zombie penguin.
In what way are zombies like computers? They both use megabites.
What do you call zombie twins?
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up!
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting.
Why did the skeleton go to the mechanic? For body work.
What’s more amazing than a talking werewolf?
A spelling bee.
What was the skeletons favorite rock band? The Grateful Dead.
What do you call a dog that meditates?
What kind of car do zombies drive? Monster trucks.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He has no guts.
What is a ghost’s favorite party game? Hide-and-go-shriek.
What was the zombie’s favorite toy?
His Deady bear.
Why do skeletons like to drink milk? Milk is good for your bones.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What does Tweety Bird say on Halloween? Twick or Tweet.
Why can’t skeleton musicians perform at church?
Because they have no organs.
What is a ghost’s favorite dessert? Ice-Scream.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
What does it take to become a zombie? Deadication.
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo boos.
What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a foolish skeleton? Bonehead.
How can you make a witch itch?
Take out the W.
How do you greet a two-headed ghost? Hello, hello.
What can you do with all these Halloween jokes?
I was hoping you would ask!
Tell them to trick-or-treaters at you door. Turn it into a game and give them an extra piece of candy if they get the answer right.
Put a joke in your kids lunch box every day.
Arrange a joke scavenger hunt for your children or kids in your neighborhood. Hide notes near by – even tape them to candy. The kids will have so much fun looking for them.
If you’re having a Halloween party let the kids take turns telling jokes to the group. Watching children tell jokes is hilarious, and they’ll feel amazing when everyone laughs.
Phew, that was fun wasn’t it?
If you still haven’t gotten your Halloween fix, you’re welcome to check out my list of free Halloween books. There’s something for everyone. We have horror, thriller/ suspense, and cozy mysteries. Best of all, did I say they’re FREE! Get them while you can.